You will eat this……and you will like it !

Why would I cook something that I prefer not to eat ?  This mostly falls into the category of meals for my children.  The oldest claims to be vegetarian yet she will eat chicken.  Once upon a time her favorite food was bacon.  All that was spoiled the day I brought home a 60 lb. pig in the back of my truck ready to be tied to the spit for 8 hours of roasting.  The middle child has the worst appetite and the least appreciation for variety in his food although he is a chicken wing connoisseur.  He basically lives on pizza, hot dogs, shells & cheddar (not mac & cheese…..what’s the difference…smack) and some kind of frozen toaster shit for breakfast, the latest being muffin tops…..oh, his fresh breakfast item is cinnamon buns….okay he’s got something there only I don’t think he would dare try one of mine.  Silly boy.  The youngest, my 4-year-old, has the most promise.  Good appetite, willing to try almost anything and of course she is a Daddy’s girl, so it may be our special bond that has influenced her love of food. 

So, occasionally I find myself throwing frozen convenience food in the oven to satisfy the children’s desires.  I have in the past blamed this dismal reality on my wife.  She is the one who does the majority of the food shopping and has developed these young pathetic pallets into what they are.  If they had never been introduced to this crap they would never have evolved into such unappreciative little twerps when it comes to real food.  I would think and sometimes say “dinner is an expression of your love for your family”.  Never went over so well.  So, after 20 years I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut…most of the time…..but my thoughts are mine to fester and rot inside my twisted mind.  Give the wife a break right ?  She has the hardest job on the planet X’s 3. 

Herein lies the opportunity to cook food that others will not eat.  I cook 2 to 3 meals per week usually on my nights off.  Yes, it is always a challenge to prepare something that we all can enjoy.  Perhaps even something different.  Fingers crossed….will they like it ?  will I succeed in broadening their corrupted taste buds, their minds.  I usually fail at the mere description of the meal…..more room to learn.  Keep it simple, “we’re having chicken” uhhh I mean coq au vin.  WHAAAT…I’m not eating that !  middle child…smack.  Well mostly I aim for an enjoyable evening with happy bellies and big smiles.  Other times…screw it……we’re having Red Lentil & Eggplant Curry,  Fiery hot Jerk Chicken,  or all day roast pork shoulder with rappi.  And there I sit, all by myself at the dinner table enjoying my expensive beer and my food while mom fires up the microwave and soothes the babes back into their pathetic state of real food ignorance. 

I will win overtime because yes, everything is a contest.  It may take patience.  It may take new tactics but I will subjugate…it is my job, my destiny, my passion and my skill.  You will eat this and you will like it !



Filed under Children, food

3 responses to “You will eat this……and you will like it !

  1. I am stuck on this post…how do you not eat bacon. I’ve seen a whole roasting pig being roasted. I’ve watched the eyes pop out. I’ve seen people eat the ears. None of it matters, bacon is a staple of life.

  2. I ruined other people with that pig…brought the cooked head home from the gig….neighborhood bbq going on down the street…..threw it on their grill….forgot about it…mid july heat…. mrs. neighbor lady went to fire up her grill a few days later….hello….stinky porky face staring right at her…..She hates me forever

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